Back in the early 70’s there was a popular cheap port wine that I believe was called “74”. A bottle of 74 in the 70’s went a long way. Then, of course, there was the cost effective jug of “Golden Glow” apple cider. We would chip in on a jug of “Golden Glow” and use the dregs to fill the bottom of our water pipe. If we were on a spending spree, we often splurged with a bottle of “Cracklin Rose”. Craklin Rose was considered classy because it had a non-screw-off cap. Those were the days of wine and roses.

But there were problems. If you gave a novice a few slugs of cheap port, they would follow you anywhere or do just about anything you asked. This, of course, was a good thing if you happened to be the one in control of the port. If, on the other hand, you were the one getting force fed cheap port, then all you got was screwed (non-figuratively of course).

My mind is a bit fussy when it comes to the 70’s, but I believe the euphemism “getting caught with your pants down” represents what those in control of the port managed to do with those they coerced into drinking the vile port. Take another drink – it is good for you. Don’t wine, this will make you feel good. You will feel better in the morning.

And, of course, this was also when we were first introduced to “non-disclosure agreements”.  I would love to tell you some of the stories of the day, but I am sworn to secrecy. Rest assured, the twin sister’s secrets are safe with me. I also have a vague memory about some Baby Duck at Wentworth Park, but that one may best be left untold. True, I can’t provide proof of my exploits, so you will just have to believe me.  

Here we are today, so many years later, and the only thing that has changed is the names of the people holding the port vile. At least with the coal mine, you know there is a shaft involved.

Dr. Strangejob

www.drstrangejob.ca