Bullies have been around forever – my parents and grandparents told me tales of schoolyard bullies, I was bullied, my children and even grandchildren have dealt with bullies. Wishing it away is not going to solve the problem, but is the wishful thinking of the school system’s “Zero Tolerance” policy doing more harm than good by punishing the victims?

The other day I was told the story of a young boy who was suspended from taking the bus because he swung back at four bullies. “Swung back” being the key phrase because their verbal taunts turned physical when they started hitting him. He defended himself and was promptly suspended. And, because the powers that be only saw him defending himself, he was the only one suspended… the bullies were not reprimanded for their part in the incident.

To make matters worse, it is not the first time he was suspended for defending himself against those bullies, so it’s not like there are no records of the abuse but that, and the video evidence showing him being taunted and assaulted meant nothing. They turned a blind eye to the victim and used “Zero Tolerance” like an umbrella to shield themselves and punished him for defending himself, which begs the question: What are they really teaching our children?

In short: Bullies will be bullies and the victims have to just take whatever they dish out because if you dare defend yourself you will be punished. Zero tolerance is teaching kids that if you want to stay in school and get an education, it doesn’t matter what the bully does to you; you are to put your hands in your pockets and let the bullies beat on you because if you don’t and you defend yourself from physical abuse, you will be punished.

In what fantasy world does that make sense?

Violence is rarely the answer. Notice I did not say it is never the answer? That’s because sometimes, defending yourself is the only answer. Now it is true that if we all followed the “Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” mentality we’d end up with a society of blind, toothless people, but on those occasions where you’re backed into a corner and there is no way out, you have no choice but to defend yourself, but why is the school system punishing the victims?

We have laws that protect people who are forced to act in self-defence but apparently, those laws do not apply to our school system. They created their own set of rules that supersede Canadian Law – their zero-tolerance policy punishes the victims for no other reason than they stood up for themselves and refused to be a bully’s punching bag.

Turning the other cheek only works in parables; in the real world, it gets you two black eyes instead of one. This is not to say that if someone says mean and hurtful things it should be answered with violence – that is never the case and violence against someone because they hurt your feelings should not go unpunished. But, when a bully gets physically violent, the victim should not be punished for defending themselves. It is against the law to assault someone and people who defend themselves are protected by our laws, so why are they punished in school for following the law? You have the moral and legal right to protect yourself from harm.

Except in school.

Growing up I was bullied. In my early teens I was a short, glasses-wearing skinny kid who weighed a mere ninety-nine pounds and preferred books to sports. I was the shy, quiet kid afraid of his own shadow and that made me the perfect target for bullies.

My parent’s solution was to always fight back; if the bully started hitting me, I was to hit back. I was taught that a bully was not looking for a challenge, they were looking for an easy target. If I stood there and took it, I was making myself the easy target they were craving. But, if I fought back, they would stop picking on me. Even if I lost the fight, they would find someone else to pick on because I was no longer easy prey – bullying me required too much effort.

Easier said than done for the child getting punched, kicked, shoved and tripped on a daily basis. As intolerable as those things are, fighting back and getting beat up didn’t seem like a good option either, especially when bullies usually have a pack of friends with them. Without their lackeys or an audience to witness the bullying, it wasn’t as much fun for them, which of course meant the victim was usually outnumbered.

To the lone victim, the mere thought of defending yourself and fighting back is terrifying. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they’re being taught not to stand up for themselves or they will be punished. Is that not forcing kids to let bullies physically hurt them?

They say bullying is worse these days because of the internet. I do not disagree, but a contributing factor has to be this ridiculous zero-tolerance policy that is forcing kids to stay victims. Punishing kids for defending themselves is demanding that they stand there with their hands in their pockets and let the bully beat on them until they either get bored or just grow tired of hitting you… or someone has the guts to step in and put a stop to it.

The real message zero tolerance is teaching our children is that when someone does assault you, it’s best to just be a victim and let it happen – you’re a victim so stay a victim because you do not have the right to stand up for yourself.

That’s a helluva lesson to be teaching our children.

Maybe it’s time the school system pulls their collective heads out of their asses from this fantasy world they’re creating and realize that zero tolerance is doing more long-term harm than good.

They’re teaching children that what you do in school determines what you’ll do in life, right? Do well in school you’ll do well in life; do poorly in school and you’ll do poorly in life… Doesn’t that predicate that if you are a victim in school, you’ll be a victim in life? So why are they teaching and forcing our children to stay victims?

What about the people who are standing there cheering the bully on? Should they not be held accountable too?

In their 64-page anti-bullying booklet titled How To Prevent Bullying, the Government of Nova Scotia wrote: “Your teen has the power to stop bullying. Most of the time bullying stops in less than 10 seconds when someone steps in to protect the person being bullied. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to tell the person doing the bullying to stop.”

Do they not have any clue about reality?

Most times telling a bully to stop will result in the bully telling that person to mind their own f’n business or they’ll be next. Been there, done that. Talking to a bully is like talking to a wall… they’re hyped up on adrenaline and they obviously don’t care about others, so what makes the powers that be believe that simply telling a bully to stop will actually work?

When I was in grade 9, I stepped in to defend a kid against a bully. By the time I got there the other kid was on the ground crying and the bully was still punching, kicking and taunting him. There was no magical 10-second epiphany that made the bully suddenly stop just because I told him to. On the contrary, those ten seconds turned ugly when the bully turned his aggression on me and started swinging. It didn’t end well for the bully, but that’s another story.

Their booklet tries to make you believe that all you need to do is talk to the bully. but the reality is there’s a time for talking and there’s a time for not talking. The booklet promotes the former and then zero-tolerance punishes the victim and anyone who tried to help when “talking” to the bully turns into violence, which it almost always does. They’re setting the victim and their Samaritan’s up for failure and guaranteeing they will be punished even though they followed the guidelines laid out in the booklet and were then forced to defend themselves.

The next sentence in the booklet states: “Walk away. Staying to watch gives the person doing the bullying power and attention. Don’t give it to them. Walk away.”

So, the people watching the bullying have two choices: Step in and say something, or walk away. Only one of them actually could help if the person stepping in has the courage to actually stand up to the bully because the bully is not going to magically back down. Not to mention that the person stepping in will most likely end up being suspended, but let’s remind the onlookers that they do have the option to turn a blind eye to the person being victimized and just walk away… that way there’re no witnesses. Good plan.

The booklet also states that most people don’t step in out of fear they will make it worse, they’re worried they will be bullied too, and that they figure it’s up to the person being bullied to stand up for themselves.

But they’re not allowed to stand up for themselves, remember? Zero tolerance – if they fight back, they will get suspended. Maybe the school board should go back to school and learn the difference between fighting and defending yourself. Defending yourself is not fighting. It says so right in the name: Defending yourself.

So, the victim stays a victim and people who try to help also gets punished – how exactly does this help anyone but the bully?

“Teens need to know that bullying at their age can have serious results, which is why it is so important that they do everything they can to make the bullying stop.”

Wait a minute… shouldn’t the victim, the person being verbally and physically assaulted be the reason the bullying stops? Why is the focus on the bully and how it will affect them later in life?

In the opening pages of the book they said “Bullying is a disrespectful behaviour which does not value our human rights” and then they slowly try to indoctrinate the reader into believing that we should all be concerned for the bully’s future. “Children who bully learn to use power to control other children. As long as they continue to bully and get away with it, they do not learn the difference between right and wrong. As a result, they may do poorly in school, they may begin to use drugs and alcohol, and even begin to commit crimes. These children have set themselves up for a lifetime of difficult relationships. They may even end up being bullied themselves.”

So… bullies are people who have no respect for our basic human rights, but because they may end up drinking, doing drugs, committing crimes and having difficult relationships, we should focus our attention on these poor bullies? What about their victims? Don’t they matter?

Apparently not because what the booklet is essentially saying is that bullies are setting themselves for a rough life and we need to stop them for their own good. But what about their victims? Shouldn’t their future not be the result of being forced to stay a victim?

The booklet goes on an on about talking… talk, talk, talk… how has all this talking to bullies been working out so far?

According to their booklet, bullying takes place once every seven and a half minutes on the average schoolyard.

Obviously not very well.

So why are you still talking about it and trying to convince everyone else to keep talking about it when it’s clearly not working? Maybe it’s time to stop talking so much and start actually doing something?

In cases where videos are taken, everyone in the video, including the ones holding the cameras, should all be suspended along with the bully because they are, according to the booklet, just as bad as the bully and are learning to become bullies themselves… it says so on page 8:

“Bullying takes place about once every 7 ½ minutes on the average school playground. Children and youth who see others being bullied learn how they too can use power to get what they want out of relationships. Children and youth who watch bullying or see it happen but do nothing to stop it give power to the person who is bullying. Doing nothing tells the person who is bullying that they can get away with their behaviour. In this way, it encourages the person who is bullying to continue.”

People who watch are encouraging the bully and that they learning bullying behaviour to become bullies themselves. For their own good, we need to nip this in the bud by being more proactive. Start by suspending every single one of them. Stop the useless talking and start taking action. Start punishing those who do wrong and the onlookers, not the ones being victimized by the bullies.

If anyone witnesses bullying behaviour and does not try to stop it, they are all suspended right along with the bully. And for the love of all things holy, stop worrying so much about the future of the bullies and start worrying about the future of their victims.

This is not to say we shouldn’t be worried about the bullies, of course we should be worried about all our children’s futures, but not at the expense of forcing victims to stay victims; not at the expense of putting the future of the bullies ahead of the futures of their victims.

A suspension is a slap on the wrist to a bully so why are you giving them a mini-vacation? Maybe it would be more effective if during their “suspension” they go to school every day wearing a fluorescent-coloured vest that says in big, bold letters: I AM A BULLY, rather than spending their suspension at home playing Xbox, watching videos and having more free time to cyberbully people. Instead, they spend their suspension cleaning up the school grounds, the hallways, the cafeteria and maybe even the rest of the community. Maybe a healthy dose of humiliation will teach them that being a bully has repercussions and it will not be tolerated any longer!

Or, we can continue to talk about it and enforce zero-tolerance policies that victimizes the victims?

Not much of choice if you asked me. But then again, nobody asked me so maybe I should keep my mouth shut. After all, I was only a victim of bullies. I only know first hand that learning to defend myself was how I got the bullying to stop. I only know that stepping in and defending others is what kept others from getting hurt by bullies. I only know that standing up to the principal and teachers and refusing to be punished or expelled from school for defending myself is how I stayed in school but hey, what do I know?

I was just some, skinny, four-eyed bookworm who finally had enough of the constant tormenting and made the decision to start lifting weights and learned how to defend myself. I know several others who were literally driven out of town because the bullying got so bad that they felt leaving was the only answer. I am sure they would appreciate all the effort and attention that is being given to the bullies rather than to their victims. I’m sure they will agree wholeheartedly that being punished for defending yourself is the answer. But what do we know? We’re just the victims who know first-hand that trying to talk to bullies is useless.

When people, individually or as a society, stand up to bullies and we punish them rather than their victims is when real change begins to takes place. So, isn’t it about time we start making real changes?

“Forcing them to wear shirts or a vest that label them a bully could potentially cause damage to their self-esteem” …blah blah blah. So? And your point is? What do you think they are doing to the self-esteem of their victims? Since when do the bullies matter more than their victims?

In the booklet it states: “…this booklet will not use such labels as bully, victim, and bystander. These labels limit how we see children and how they see themselves—as a product of their actions and nothing more. We need to ditch the labels and focus on the whole child—their strengths and challenges.”
A bully by any other name is still a bully. Redefining labels and refusing to acknowledge the label does little for the child being bullied. While it is true that we do not want people only seeing themselves as a victim, bullies need to see themselves as bullies or else they have no reason to change their behaviour. To them, they are not a bully because the system won’t acknowledge them as a bully. So if they are not seen as bullies and they do not see themselves as bullies, what makes you believe they have any reason to change their bullying behaviour? Because you “talked” about it? That hasn’t worked so far.

Until the powers that be realizes that, they will keep coming up with more and more ineffective ways to “talk” about bullying rather than actually taking a stand and doing something about it. It’s time they stepped out from under their umbrella and weather the storm because if they don’t do something about bullying, it’s going to keep getting worse.

#VictimsOverBullies should be the new hashtag in everyone’s social media feeds to pressure the school system into knowing that we’re not just taking a stand against bullies, we’re taking a stand against a broken system that is forcing students to do nothing when bullies assault them.

That we’re not going to let that system punish the victim because they exercised their lawful right to defend themselves against physical violence.

That Zero-Tolerance is what we have for a system that is bullying kids into staying victims. It’s time to choose #VictimsOverBullies.

Author's Note:
The images used in this article are actor portrayals. The children appearing in the images were directed by me to portray bullying behaviour for the “I’m Not A Bully” – an anti-bullying music video I shot and directed for a 10-year old rapper named Stefaun. All the children in the images are the best of friends. No child was hurt or actually bullied during the filming of the video.

Originally posted to Kenn's Blog: "Between the Lines" 

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