Super sexy anthropomorphic Chickens, with an added bonus

of a super sexy donair wielding Poseidon.

Now, they say fortune favors the bold, and if true, "My Father's Kitchen" is about to become the most successful restaurant in Cape Breton history. I can think of no bolder strategy to get people to eat your chicken, than making them physically attracted to them. To think that the talented artist who created this masterpiece had to ask himself "How big should I draw these chicken breasts," or "How would rooster biceps look if roosters had biceps?" It's all truly inspiring.

But all is not well in the land of super sexy anthropomorphic chickens. Recently, this homegrown work of art has been butchered, much like the chickens on your plate at supper time, and now, coming into Sydney, you are only greeted by this:

But what about the legs and thighs!?

Why Sydney had to witness this unfortunate defacement of modern art is unknown, but we can only be sure of one thing. Someone could not handle the chickens.

I actually did not get a picture of the full and intact Super Sexy Chicken Sign. I had to recreate it from the discarded bottom half, leaning against the soon to be restaurant seen below: 

Oh, the humanity!

This was the last known location of their sinfully fowl bodies. It is only through the modern miracle of graphics software that we can even begin to capture the former glory of this fully intact piece of art.

Yet certain questions remain. Who was it that could not handle the super sexy chickens? What led to the brutal desexifying of our provocative poultry welcome party? Is being sexually attracted to your food make it taste better?

And really, what is offensive about this? Is it sexist? I don't think so. It seems to me both chickens are enjoying an equal amount of objectification. And we humans love objectifying chickens. It's why we turn them into nuggets. If anything, the roided up rooster (could have used a different word) is being objectified by the hen, but he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Is it racist? I mean, they are yellow chickens, and there are white chickens and brown chickens, but I don't think humans have adequately stereotyped chickens to be sufficiently racist towards them. If anyone has horribly unsubstantiated chicken stereotypes, please include them in the comments below, so I can know which of you are awful people.

Was this done on political or religious grounds? Well, no. They're chickens. Don't be silly.

This only leaves us with one conclusion. This was a clear crime of jealousy. Whether it was due to the hens succulent thighs, or the roosters sculpted abs, someone in Cape Breton could not take the fact that fictional chickens were causing more lust in the world than they were. 

Whether this was done by someone within the organization, or a late-night hooligan is unknown, because I didn't ask, because I'm not a journalist. But we do know SOMEONE took to the saw and censored the titillating gaggle. All the while, throwing the double-standard of super sexy Poseidon in our face, knowing full well chickens should have equal rights to Greek gods.

I thought we were past this Sydney. I thought we could handle the chickens. I thought we turned a corner. Turns out I was wrong.

The horror.