"This graph measures my ability to draw a graph since the stroke."

Ok, I'll be the first to admit it. Graphs aren't cool, or sexy. You don't make friends by gathering around the water-cooler Monday morning and excitedly asking "Did you see that graph last night‽" I know this because I'm super into graphs and bad at making friends. But even though graphs function as visual Ambien to most, they also have the ability to boil down a lot of information into one simple, coma-inducing image. 

So before you create a new tab to watch cat videos or check Frankie's latest forecast, I'll get right into it. Here is the most important graph in Cape Breton.

It makes a better roller-coaster than a sustainable economy!

So right about now you're saying "Yeah, yeah. I've heard this before. Aging population. Young people leaving. This is nothing new." Well, how's about I put it to you this way.

See, this graph isn't The Ghost of Cape Breton Present. It is The Ghost of Cape Breton Yet to Come. Everybody knows people are having less kids these days. The reason I don't have kids? I want a hot tub some day, and a baby doesn't really fit into that life plan. On top of the fact that people are having less kids or none at all, you have less people in Cape Breton at the age to properly spawn new broods of humans. That means less of these.

You know why this baby is so happy? He's pooping. He's pooping right now.

Capitalism is good at a lot of things, like mall food courts, and world changing innovations like the toaster oven. Unfortunately, capitalism requires a constantly growing population of consumers to sustain itself. The population fell by 4,000 people from 2006 to 2011, and is showing no signs of slowing down.

Here's another way of looking at this graph.

Disclaimer: I have recently had to defend myself on The Cape Breton Rant Room for stating that seniors are expensive. This is not so much an opinion as it is a fact, and just because a fact offends you does not make it false. For example, here are some facts that offend me:

• M. Night Shyamalan is still allowed to make movies.
• Winter is coming.
• I live with my parents. 
  
  

And listen, I love that I live in a country that sees fit to care for it's seniors, and repay them for their hard work. I'm not advocating to put all of our older people on ice flows. I just blame seniors for our food tasting mostly like cardboard and contributing to a nearly unsustainable macro-economic tax base.

Pictured here are the young, hip "20-somethings" Cape Breton is missing, complete with their totally rad "thumbs-up" attitudes! (Except for Rupert in the back, giving an extremely hesitant 'thumbs-sideways.....?" Dammit Rupert.)

What's worse is this graph is from 2011, which means a good portion of that giant baby-boomer spike has reached 65, the age you officially start receiving Old Age Security benefits, which would be fine if OAS wasn't a ponzi scheme.

I'm also not complaining about educating young people, but there's no denying that young people and older people cost more to the government than they pay in. And again, I reiterate, I don't want to force all the young and old people into sweatshops to pay their way, or put them all in some kind of Hunger Games battle to the death. I'm just saying our system requires a balance to work, and Cape Breton is currently tilted in a bad way.

One last way to look at this graph.

You kind of have to squint to see it, but it's true!

Between the ages of 25 to 40, there are over 1,100 more women than men. I actually don't have much to say regarding this one. Not sure why I included it actually.... Ummm. I guess it's hard to get a date if you're a lady around here? Maybe guys don't have to try as hard, and I can finally stop taking showers? Anyways, food for thought!

I had to write this after Dannie Brown's opinion piece, Welcoming Immigrant Entrepreneurs. Looking at the cold hard facts, I don't see any way the current trajectory of this island is going to change unless we welcome a few thousand young, productive people to Cape Breton, no matter where they're from. 

Feel free to yell at me in the comments.